I meant to post this few weeks ago but didn’t hit post ooopps..
….. warning this blog is not light and fluffy like most of my blogs are.. this blog is rough and raw and its from my heart.. but not the part that’s always happy and cheery its coming from the part in my heart that carries a lot of pain…
*** I will always preface by saying if you read this looking for good spelling and or punctuation … stop now cause it will not happen lol… If you have OCD and want to mark up my blog lol email me your corrections…hahahahah..
2016…. 2016 you took me for a ride … 2016 was my year of mistakes… but what was the worst part is I never took this time to learn from these mistakes… I just kept making them over and over and over… see 2016 started off with a great new year’s day party … I was surrounded by my wonderful partner, a house full of friends and family … it truly was a beautiful ending to a good 2015…
But ohhh shit … I did not expect anything that was about to happen … see I met some one in 2015 who in time would become one of my greatest friends in the world but a lil different would become part of my family. the beginning was rocky lol but we both ignored it… then things where smooth sailing we all did things together, his family really never liked me but well I guess not everyone can like me huh …
It honestly was amazing …. until I made some mistakes…. these mistakes put a dent in our bond, we chalked it up and moved on but mistakes kept happening and dents kept chipping away … dent we were not dealing with rather just ignoring … we both made mistakes and for anyone out there judging …. Don’t even try it most have you have done the same or worst… most of you have had failed relationships, and divorces, unfaithfulness. so let’s leave judgement out of the rest of this blog.
I’m going pause for a minute and say that 2016 was not all bad … I had a wonderful valentines, got the opportunity to do things for someone no one ever had, had amazing birthday, won Mr. Florida Rubber, thanks to my best friends support went and placed 2nd runner up at international rubber… lots good happened .. but the rollercoaster was in full swing most of the time. towards the end of October things got a lil better. we truly fixed our lil family and had the most beautiful holiday season ever… sure there where arguments. what you never do?
And sure we all vented to those closest to us. some unfortunately didn’t realize to every story there are 3 sides and some decided to cast judgement and hate but oh well that is what it is…
2017 …. The year that will redefine Wonka… the year that I learn who I am and the year that I do and not say… MAL was a turning point in my life … decisions made there that changed everything. I’m still not sure if it’s for the better or for the worst I just know that this time I will do something different…
I ended things with one of my partners (yes we were a triad) and it was rough… more rough because the way it ended, it ended harsh, with hearts broken and truly was or is one the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. I acted a fool chased, and called, most people think I was nuts , some think I was a jerk.. but there is no greater pain then to know someone you love is hurting and you cant help….
So here where the different part comes in, I turned to my other partner for guidance… a man I admire with all my heart and he said pup, you been down this path before with your last pup .. what will you do different … this is when I realized that Ryan James was more important to me that I thought so I finally decided to leave him alone (lil did I know it was too late something was put into effect but no need to discuss that) .. so instead of distracting myself with fake attention, or trying to replace him by looking for validation, I did something different … I got of all social media, deleted all sex apps and profiles, sought out a physiologist, and reached out to my friends … cause I realize I needed to learn from this. I needed to feel this pain, I needed to heal from this pain, but more importantly I needed to learn from this pain. because although I didn’t learn soon enough to save my relationship I owe it to him to and to me and to my partner to learn and realize just how fragile love can be, and to realize to value what you have and not take it for granted… most importantly there is not an endless source of forgiveness. people get tired and no matter the love. they leave after so much.
So what have I done to heal .. well you all know I am now going to a physiologist regularly to help me not only grow but get to the root of my problems and help me find tools to navigate them .. I reached out to friends who I had abandoned. they forgave me but like I said before forgiveness is fragile so I need work hard on keeping my promise..
I promised my closest friends their wonka will be back and omg I have had the most fun and funniest two weeks ever, went kayaking and ended up at random pool party in the millionaires house on intercostal with Cha Cha and zeke lol statement of the night “only with wonka will this happen” lol went to pride with Edward W, Dax, Cha Cha, Derek, Jose, Glenn and omg so much fun.. ended the night with my lil brother Jon…lol who thought he lost my wallet but didn’t. but ended up in underwear and a harness at ramrod. lol don’t ask questions. lol just chalk it up to “only with wonka does this happen”
See my life was always a fun rollercoaster. and I know it can be again. I was able to offer some one very special in my life the opportunity to ride the fun coaster with me again as a friend .. cause if there is one thing about me I never leave anyone behind…
I started gym again and can say I’m looking pretty good. least the drunk guys think so lol, and aside from all this fun .. I have been able to reach out to my important friends for some one on one. been to many dinners and apologized a lot and cried and hugged it out.
And if I leave this post with any words of wisdom is A) masking your pain will only make it worst.
B) new philosophy is feel, heal and learn … if you skip any of that you may miss out, you miss out on life’s lessons.. you miss out on growth, you miss out on being a better person.
2017 is going to be a good year, I am on the way to rekindle my friendships with my best of best friends, I might be given the opportunity to help a guide someone who might never realize how important they are to me, I have learned to value what’s in front of me and I am one hell of a lucky person to have a man like Joey Wynn guiding me … and I think it’s time I learn from him and try to be more like him..
My step down is March 17 . I hope you guys come out and support. www.mrfloridarubber.com and man that’s another whole different story and Jason (Piggy) thank you for guiding me .. like I said 2016 was a year of mistakes. but hmm maybe I can turn it into a year of Growth.
You only get one life. just one. you can either shy away and let it pass you by and there is nothing wrong with that. but 2016 showed me ..not this pup.. this pup is going be present, loyal, honest, caring, tough, protective. and 2017 I am taking you by the balls and this year you are mine. god willing and with good health of course.
I get to go to judge the Mr. New England Rubber competition I am super excited about that and seeing my class brothers has me so excited!!! I hear me and cha cha might be taking san Francisco by storm .. watch out LOL
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!!!! Everyone makes mistakes. learn from them don’t let them take you down… love freely .. forgive easily, and if you fall get your ass up dust yourself off and do not let your pride keep you from asking for help. that has been what saved me I called my circle and ask for help. be honest with your friends they can’t help you if they don’t know what’s going on .. anyhow… 2017 I hope you are ready cause this will be a year like no other.
Ohana … it means family .. it means none gets left behind or forgotten!
I thank god every day for my family both blood family and family of choice… and yes that does mean you too!