Started of like most years, had a great Jan 1st of the year .. but then went to an event and 2017 quickly turned into one of the worst years for me… but did it?
I relapses in 2017, lost a job, ended a relationship with some one i loved and still love very much .. i went to rehab, lost all confidence in my self … i was prepared to say this was the year id kill myself.. but.. but… see this is why faith is so important !!!
At the time all this was happening I thought I was in the middle of the worst storm in my life… little did i know in hind sight.. things where just lining up for me…
In reality 2017 was amazing.. lets start with the obvious.. I didn’t loose anyone in my family to death , I gained a 2nd niece, a new life, I was shown by Joey how much he truly loved me, that person i lost went on to live the life he always wanted and is happy, i found the desperation i needed to work my 12 steps, i found big book study that changed my life, i building a relationship with my amazing sponsor!
I found new friends that I consider family who have been there mo matter what..
I gained old friends who loved me and came back into my life
My family trusts me and wants me around
I found love for myself
I found the groups i have read the book with, have a beautiful bond with those guys
I have a great new job
Ive taken risks, ive learned!
I have faith! I have this inner peace where i know things are as it should be.. people have come in and out of my life and though i miss some of them I know that its life
I made some powerful amends, made right things i had made wrong
As i sit here on the very last day of the year and remember all the tears the beginning of last year brought , i am grateful … cause i see those tears needed to happen so Gods plan can unfold!
I go into 2018 not expecting it to be perfect , knowing that there are still many twist an turns life will take… but i go knowing that all i need to do is show up do my best, work my recovery, have faith, and with out fail everything that happens will be for a greater purpose!
2018 for me will be all bout peace! Peace when things are good , peace in the middle of the storm, and peace even when things are just stagnant!
I will continue to show up , be the best i can, take the actions i want .. and keep an underlying faith that the out come is not up to me!!
And i will be reminded my biggest lessons
#1 when everything else fails and my emotions get best of me , work with another addict! Speak recovery help others it will help
#2 Faith with out works is dead, i have to take action!
#3 dont make to many plans , show up and just ride the ride called life!
#4 pain will come .. suffering lasts as long as I let it!
#5 love the people around you!
To those that carried me through the worst of it, THANK YOU! I love you! To those that left my side, I love you! To those that will enter my life , I love you!
To those who I will help in any way I love you, to those who will help me and teach me I love you!
I am here , I am me, i will strive to be best me possible! I go into 2018 with no resentments , full of love , forgiveness, apologies, and open arms!
I will not give up, i will not turn my back to life when it gets hard! Jan 4 I will be 9 months sober and I will continue to work to keep my sobriety.
God bless everyone 🙂